If I am meeting someone for lunch at a restaurant that is new to me, I will frequently check out the menu ahead of time. Especially if it’s a business lunch, I don’t want to be the guy who takes 20 minutes to order. “Is the chicken baked or fried? Lightly breaded, or not? Spicy? What are the salads like?“
Over time, I’ve noticed something looking at these menus online. Many of the restaurants’ online reviews average 3 stars. Not a big deal, right? But that’s the average. When I click to read the individual reviews, I see something different.
This place was amazing! They have the best Margaritas in town. Ask for Diane. Awesome server! 5 stars!
This place is terrible! My boyfriend drank six Margaritas and kept flirting with our server Diane. 1 star!
The individual reviews frequently go to one extreme or the other. It’s either amazing or terrible. And it goes beyond how we feel about meals.
If it’s not the best vacation ever, then it must be the worst. If I’m not feeling deeply and passionately in love with my partner today, then the relationship must be over.
This type of thinking is dangerous in that it doesn’t allow us to see things as they truly are. I have a pretty amazing life, but on a scale of 1-10, most days are a solid 7-8. Because if every day is amazing, then no day is. When my children were born, solid 10. The day my wife and I wandered around San Francisco with no plan and no schedule, solid 10. But some times a Tuesday is just a Tuesday, plenty to be grateful for and smile about, but the garbage still needs to get to the curb and someone needs to clean up after our old dog.
If that sounds boring or defeatist, perhaps I can make my point more effectively on the other end. Flat tires happen, dishwashers break, and people disagree. None of those things add up to the “worst day ever.”
If you’re struggling, take a moment, take a breath, and ask yourself, how bad is this really? What do I still have control over? How can I move myself out of this situation to make things better?
You have more control than you think you do. You have more strength than you think you do. Take a breath, and take an honest assessment. You might see things differently.
Peace.
Patrick Day 
Great gospel, Patrick. When faced with what seems like a tough day or even an insurmountable challenge, I was counseled by a wise friend to ask, “will this matter in a year?” Almost every time the answer is no. Onward!
Amen brother! Thanks for this.
This speaks to the “all or nothing”cultures that has insidiously invaded. You are either the champion or the loser, far left or far right, etc. that is for putting into words what I have been feeling.
This is what I call keeping things in perspective. You said it so much better. Thank you for your wise words once again.
PS: I still miss your mom and dad at church.
Of course you’re right. Perspective is everything.
I love reading your post, full of wisdom through life experiences and from above!